Jim Bellino

When it comes to reality TV, some might say it seems staged, unreal, and scripted. Well, I can tell you, there’s nothing scripted about finding out what people think about you when you watch a new episode for the first time.

The major difference between real life and reality TV is that in real life, what someone thinks about you either never gets back to you, or it takes a while—it’s part of a social process that takes time and many leaky sources. On reality TV, you find out fast—and it’s brutal, and there are no holds barred.

It must be something about sitting in front of that camera alone that makes people feel safe, seemingly disregarding year after year that what they say there is not private, and in fact, what they say in these confessional type interviews is largely what drives most of the storyline for viewers. As you watch these individual moments, imagine what it would be like if you could watch a reel of the people in your own life in the same format. What would they be saying about you? Would you care? Would it matter? Would they be doing it just to hurt you, or is there a common theme among them that might suggest you have some things to work on?

No matter what, whether there’s ever a confessional about you, don’t you want your friends to be truthful to your face, and loyal to the end? Being truthful is part of being loyal, but being loyal means standing by your friends through thick and thin. Loyalty means many things to many people, but to most, it is at least in part about being the kind of person whose love of friends and family does not change no matter what else in life does change. With or without money or fame, and with or without status and “hip factor,” loyalty should always be there. Loyalty is not meant to be an afterthought, but the tool that navigates us through stormy seas. If you’re loyal, alliances are obvious, and choices become very easy to make.

How I am portrayed this week is a great example of how easy it is for opinions and loyalties to be changed. Many may think I had a good episode because they see me praying for my wife and spending time with my children—not a bad depiction at all. But what will the flip-floppers think of me next week when I’m not there, or if for example, they see me tell my wife she’s talking too loud without seeing us laughing about it later? The fact is, Alexis’ hearing was affected by having the twins, and she has asked me let her know when she is talking too loud. But you won’t hear anything about that unless you’re reading my blog.

Many viewers have been conditioned to accept what they see on TV as reality, as it occurred; it’s a little sad and kind of scary to me how easily some viewers will just accept the subtly hidden opinion—don’t be fooled, the camera itself is a character on this show, and it has its agenda and is often a narrator as well. Loyalties become extra fickle when there’s a third party helping viewers decide what to think.

How people on reality TV treat one another changes every episode. How can this be? Even the most fair-weather friends I have had didn’t change their opinions and feelings that often in real life. How cast mates regard each other in their private interviews changes more than the weather—and what’s worse, some of the audience watching the show changes their opinion of someone based on what their favorite cast mate on the show says.

From one week to the next, the audience loves you, hates you, then loves you again—it’s a merry-go-round, but the nauseating part is how easily some change their opinions of people they don’t even know based on tidbits of secondhand opinions from a third party. Where is the loyalty—both on the show and in life? I understand that this is meant for entertainment, but when I read tweets about reality TV personalities, some of the criticism is so sharp and hateful is boggles the mind.

Imagine, a mother of two from Wisconsin tweeting, “You’re a loser I hate you, you should kill yourself” Then, two weeks later, the same person tweeting about the same celebrity tweets, “Loved your makeup this episode! where’d you get that lipgloss? Plz follow me I’m a fan!” What was it that got under her skin so deeply that she became motivated enough to say something so incredibly awful? Then she pivots faster than a weathervane in a tornado—what the heck is this based on? If people in your life are this fickle, get rid of them. There’s no time to try and figure out why you can’t please 2% of people—so focus on the 98% you can and worry about them. I for one am not naïve enough to believe people aren’t talking negatively about me, but I also know there’s no percentage in lending too much credence to the opinions of people who have never met me, and never will.

I’ve greatly appreciated the wonderful comments people have made about getting to know me through this blog–all of the constructive comments and compliments I have gotten have been enlightening and heartwarming. But it’s funny how a few of the comments seem like double-edged swords. Some comments have said, wow, I hated Jim, thought he was a loser, I believed what other people said about him, and now I love Jim! Faithful fans of the show can now see the real me, and it’s been a reality check for us both.

For the first time ever, I decided to put myself on display for anyone who would like to read this blog. Before that, I should have been a mystery, not someone anybody hated—think about the reasons people hated me: Because they BELIEVED INFORMATION FROM TV OR THE INTERNET WITHOUT VETTING IT. It wasn’t because any of the viewers had dealt with me personally and had a bad experience with me. Instead, many people didn’t like me because of how I looked on the show from one week to the next. This is testimony to how fans are driven from one side to another based on where they feel their loyalties should lie. The truth is, as I have stated in previous blogs, many of the people on reality TV have allegiance to one thing: MONEY—their judgment is based on that loyalty, but it doesn’t mean viewers has to be too.

So while I am ever grateful that I’ve gained new fans, it makes me wonder—if I were to stop blogging and go back to filming more, would opinions of me waffle right back to where they were? My thought is that we should not judge someone week-by-week or episode-by-episode, but by the content of their character that has been revealed consistently over a long period of time.

There’s nothing wrong with a little healthy skepticism when it comes to believing what we see on TV and read on the Internet. Don’t buy into the latest hate fest—or hug fest either. Sometimes there’s no way for any of us to know what’s going on in the hearts and minds of others, but I think it’s safe to say that swapping allies midstream and shifting your nationally-known opinion of a former friend is a sign priorities may not be where they should be.

Loyalty is nine-tenths of the law—Alexis and I are not interested in bandwagon friends, and you shouldn’t be either.

Just keepin’ it real,

-Jim

There’s an old saying, “Don’t get mad, get even.” This saying isn’t very Christian, but beyond that, it won’t do you any good to get even with someone—it always backfires. So no matter what you believe in, Jesus, karma, or just living by the Golden Rule, in the end, getting even will take it’s toll on YOU spiritually, materially, emotionally, and physically; NOT the person you’re trying to get even with.

So that’s my caveat for this week’s episode, because I see people behaving in a way that I would like to “get even” with. But I know that won’t serve me, and it sure won’t help Alexis or our family. Instead, I say don’t get mad, get driven!

In this week’s episode, we see people gossiping and talking so much trash, but then in the next scene, we see the same people being talked about and getting mad about being talked about. High school cheerleaders are more mature and better put together than this—it’s like watching an episode of 90210, but without any charm, class, or levity between the bouts of puerile nonsense.

It can be our normal reaction when we are talked about to lash out and defend ourselves—I think we’ve all been in a place where the need to defend ourselves has arisen, and sometimes we don’t make the best tactical moves when doing so. Think back to when you were a kid and you were being made fun of at school. When you came home, do you remember what your mom said? “Ignore them.” My mom used to tell me, “It’s none of your business what other people think of you.” Moms are the best at dispensing such awesome pearls of wisdom. And we should try more to live by them—but when what someone else thinks of you can literally destroy your life because it’s being said to millions of people, it’s a different story.

What a group of school kids are giggling about when you walk by their lunch table is one thing; what someone says deliberately to harm you in the eyes of the public is quite another matter. The bully mentality is the same in both places—it’s just that the people on TV have the tools to be destructive on a larger scale, but that doesn’t make their mindset any more evolved than that lunch table of snickering bullies.

It sure is convenient when people use being feminine as a means to protect themselves against a man talking about them, but then they say anything they want about a man—this kind of hypocrisy makes me wan to throw up. We have a moral responsibility when it comes to being on TV, so when someone’s child has cancer, and you continuously berate and belittle that person, you have crossed a line, and you have to expect that the person you have attacked is going to eventually give you back your due. With that said, I don’t agree with any of the gossiping, I’m simply explaining the natural course of events you can expect when one person bashes another relentlessly—eventually, a beaten dog will bite you. I don’t agree with how even those who have been victimized have chosen to deal with it, but you can certainly see the chronology of events that lead to what’s unfolding in front of us now.

I don’t think it’s fair to play the gender card. If you have, and claim that it’s sexist for a man to talk about a woman after you’ve attacked his character as a man, you’re being short sighted. I don’t agree with sexist commentary, but I also don’t believe in hiding behind excuses when you are guilty of making horrific remarks that start unstoppable and unbearable rumors. And by the way, no one is buying the wiping away of nonexistent tears.

Malicious gossip drives some people. So to those people, we say thank you—it’s the naysayers that drive us. Alexis has never worked so hard—she has accomplished so much since she has been on this show, but what makes her a person of high character is that she would never sell her soul for a paycheck. If you’re paying attention, you’ll notice that Alexis doesn’t change who she is or alter her personality depending on where she is or who she is with—she is true to herself and doesn’t do “personality wardrobe changes” to fit in, to please, or to stir the pot. She defines classiness on this show.

Did Alexis overstate her role on Fox 5? Absolutely! But haven’t we all overstated when we are excited about a new endeavor in our lives? Imagine if every time you accomplished something, people all around you put it down for the entire world to see on television. If someone in your life is putting you down, DON’T GET MAD, GET DRIVEN!

Alexis has two clothing lines, and is finalizing a deal with a third. She is working on a morning show, she is writing a book, AND she is a great wife and an unbelievable mother. I can tell you first hand that when Alexis watches shows like this week’s episode, she doesn’t get mad, she gets DRIVEN. Take a page from her book—if someone in your life is a thorn in your side, let their gossip and hate tactics drive you. Some people’s reaction to Alexis being picked up by Fox 5 can only be described as rage. I’m not asking people to be thrilled for someone they dislike, but if all they can muster is rage, it’s probably not about Alexis’ success, but about missing pieces in their own lives.

If you can’t keep someone’s name out of your mouth, no matter what the sentiments for them are, it means you are thinking about them—the more you talk about them, the more it becomes evident you are thinking about them. It’s simple psychology. These are simply jealous, base people living a life that is so bereft of meaning they have nothing to add to conversations but flippant, sarcastic, angry interjections. The meaning of their lives revolves around the bitterness they have created for themselves, and they are unable to control their reactions because they long for happiness. What’s ironic is that this happiness is out of their reach BECAUSE of their bitterness and inability to live and let live.

This is not an isolated incident—we all face these challenging people everyday in our lives, but it’s how we react to them will determine our destiny. I leave you with this: “Vengeance is mine says the Lord.” Do you remember how the Rocky movies end? Well, we’re only in round five, and Alexis is Rocky, so stay tuned.

Just keeping it real,

-Jim