Jim Bellino

In this week’s episode, we celebrated my beautiful twin daughters’ birthday. It was such a fun and rewarding time watching them enjoy their day of being princesses. However, in my eyes, they are princesses every day.

Regarding having another baby, I will be 50 in June and don’t feel that it is right for us to have another baby. As you can all see my wife doesn’t agree—imagine that! And by the way, I do love the smell of a new baby… as long as I can give them back at the end of the party, lol!

Last week, I answered a question from a fan with a single word, because it was the most accurate and simple way I could have answered that question. Here’s exactly what was posted:

Q: Will you and Alexis continue to do the show even after contractual obligations are fulfilled?

A: Deliberating.

Since I posted that simple comment, three different online “news” sources have used it to create their own stories and to perpetuate misguided storylines to confuse viewers of the show just to drive traffic to their websites. Doing this deliberately I feel is loaded with its own problems, some of which I will discuss in this blog.

The first website to publish the above question and my one-word answer suggested that my answer to another question, regarding Alexis’ hobbies, was an implication that the network that airs her show will not air her pursuing her interests. If you read what the question asks, and then my response pulled directly from the blog, you will see I never made any implications of this kind. Here is exactly what was asked and how I replied:

Q: Since Bravo will probably never show it—what are some hobbies or interests that you and Alexis do? Either together or on your own.

A: We love to travel. Everything we do is with our kids, so no matter what we do, it’s centered around them. Going to the mall or bowling, anything that’s family time. We enjoy that.

The person asking the question may have their thoughts on this issue and voices them, but where do you hear me claim the network doesn’t show Alexis pursuing her hobbies?

The other two media sources that picked up this “story” were also negligent in their reporting, again taking my ONE-WORD response of “deliberating” and turning it into a circus in which who was deliberating what was called into question. So let me be clear: Alexis Bellino and I, Jim Bellino are deliberating. Besides, how could I possibly imply that someone else is deliberating? Any deliberation on the part of the network is frankly none of my business. Additionally, how can a source speculate whether or not we are leaving the show if they don’t even know what or how long the contractual obligation is?

The largest website to discuss the “deliberation” wasn’t scared to give their uninformed opinions on all things fiction. Posing ludicrous claims like that I “allow” Alexis to do the show much to my own dismay, that I detest contractual obligations (which is hilarious because I myself have none at the moment,) and even suggesting that I answered this question with that one word as a “preemptive”
strategy to avoid looking like I wasn’t prepared later on when the network makes a decision one way or another.

I’m not sure I have ever heard or seen anyone read so much into one word. From speculation about the future of the show to attempting to forecast what’s in store for the entire cast all the way to actually pondering the meaning of reality television. It’s all included in these three articles on websites that mean nothing to anyone but super fans and people involved with these shows.

I’m trying to keep it real, but I’m blown away at how outlandish “reality” has become. If these media sources were looking for a reaction, I’m sure my obscure reaction will spin into another fabricated story. I never knew how much my sign off would apply to my blog.

Keepin’ it real,

-Jim

Not watching the show this week, let me know how it goes.

Week two of the Q & A from you all, great questions, very introspective, love hearing from you all.

Q: When did it become a woman’s whole source of self esteem just to have a job? Does that drive you crazy to hear how people think you are a brute for wanting to solely provide for your family, or does it roll off your back?

A: This is a great question. I go through both emotions, I let it roll off my back, but then it gets me because our society as a whole has reversed its priorities. Women are looked up to for having careers, and looked down on for being stay at home moms. I think being a stay at home mom is much more important than having a career, because the long-term affect on the family is far greater. I’d love to see a divorce statistic on stay at home moms, and I’d like to see the crime rate for children of stay at home moms—I guarantee both of these numbers are lower than the national average. Please don’t get me wrong, I realize there isn’t always a choice between working and staying home, and there are many women who need to work. But, there are women who don’t need to work who choose to work, and I feel the choice between being a stay at home mom versus having a career has more of an impact than anyone realizes.

Q: Will you and Alexis continue to do the show even after contractual obligations are fulfilled?

A: Deliberating.

Q: I completely understand wanting to be a supportive husband while still being there to help Alexis keep a good balance between work and family. But as a hard-working man yourself, what do you do to make sure you have enough time with your family? I’m a SAHM with a hard-working husband, so I’m genuinely just wondering about this.

A: I have breakfast with my kids seven days a week, and dinner with my kids five days a week. Alexis travels a lot, so I care for our children a lot—it’s something I do with love in my heart.

Q: If you are Christians, you don’t need man’s approval, only God’s, right? So why defend all these actions to people?

A: What actions? Please be specific. I don’t mind answering specific questions.

Q: How do you feel about Tamra calling your wife “Alex-ass” on Twitter?

A: Tamra who? As you may have noticed, I don’t acknowledge ridiculousness.

Q: Do you think there is a genuine friendship between Gretchen and Tamra, or is there more to this situation than we as viewers would be able to tell?

A: No, I don’t think it’s a genuine friendship. I don’t think that either one of them knows what that means.

Q: I notice that week after week Alexis as well as a few other housewives speak grammatically incorrect or use words incorrectly. Does this make you cringe?

A: No, it doesn’t.

Q: Is there a reason why Bravo doesn’t show more family scenes with your family the way they do with all the other couples? I know your kids are younger, but we almost never see a scene with you two and any of your kids. Is that for a reason that you’ve decided, or is it Bravo?

A: My opinion is that they think a happy functioning family makes for boring TV.

Q: Since Bravo will probably never show it—what are some hobbies or interests that you and Alexis do? Either together or on your own.

A: We love to travel. Everything we do is with our kids, so no matter what we do, it’s centered around them. Going to the mall or bowling, anything that’s family time. We enjoy that.

I hope the rest of you are growing as tired as I am of watching women find their identities through bashing others. In particular, my wife Alexis has been the bull’s-eye for these women to unload on week after week. It’s not just annoying and frustrating to me to watch her go through this, I have heard from many fans across Twitter and Facebook who have also voiced their opinions. I agree wholeheartedly with so many of the fans: it’s not entertaining to watch the same thing over and over again, especially when it’s conceived with such ill will.

Whether you are a fan of Alexis or not, you have to concede to the fact that she does not ever stoop to the level that the other cast mates do when it comes to put downs and outright bullying behavior. She may not agree with everyone all the time, and she will tell you what she thinks of your behavior and actions, but she does not call people stupid, or use terms that are so derogatory that as a man, I am uncomfortable hearing in the presence of women I respect and care about. It is degrading to yourself to speak in such a manner—I consider it beneath Alexis, but it obviously isn’t something that others feel they are above.

What viewers may not know or fully understand is that when cast mates are interviewed, they are alone, and while they are alone, they feel safe to say just about anything that’s on their hearts and minds. This is not necessarily bad, but what it means is that they should choose their words wisely because they KNOW without a doubt that producers are going to exploit the juiciest tidbits that roll off the tongue. I’m not saying they shouldn’t say how they feel, what I’m saying is, they should be equally as honest in front of one another as they are during their private interviews. I say “abuse me to my face” because I’d much rather hear the story from the horse’s mouth than think things are relatively tolerable, then hear later that someone thinks I am stupid, phony, disgusting, broke, horrible, whatever. Say what you need to say, but be brave enough to let me know. Behaving one way and feeling another is cowardly at best, and an ulterior motive at worst.

The makeup scene with Alexis is hilarious, and I only wish the viewers got to see more of the footage that was there. What happened was that the makeup artist somehow decided that the thing to do was to match the makeup to Alexis’ bruises rather than her normal skin tone. By the end of this scene we were literally rolling on the floor we were laughing so hard. Alexis looks amazing 99.9999% of the time, so it’s actually kind of fun for us to have one occasion on record where things went a little wrong, and in the funniest way we possibly could have imagined. At one point I actually had to leave the room because I was laughing so hard I was becoming a distraction.

In another scene, Alexis comes to my office to ask me for my opinion about getting an acting coach for her Fox 5 correspondent appearances. I know so many viewers are going to immediately jump the gun on this scene, but I want people to listen very closely to what I say here. What I actually said here was, “With two businesses and three careers, you’re going to have to decide what your priority is.” That’s pretty simple and very straightforward. I don’t apologize for what I said because my wife asked my opinion, and I gave her my opinion in love. If you listen to Alexis and read her blog you know that what she is looking for with all of her responsibilities is someone who can see what she is going through from a distance. That’s me. When I see her killing herself with two businesses and three jobs, and then beating herself up because she doesn’t have time to do it all and be with the kids like she was a couple years ago, it’s my job to remind her of what SHE has always told me her priority is—our family. Alexis is very dedicated to everything she takes on, so I know from being married to her that this means she might not be able to see the forest for the trees. And in the end, Alexis went to the acting coach, which is absolutely fine with me.

In the scene in my office, what you are seeing is a couple working through understanding the priorities of their family, home, and within their roles together. Alexis asked me my opinion, and so I gave it to her. What would I have gained by not giving it to her, or by lying to her about my feelings? In marriages where partners deceive one another about how they feel, it only winds up festering and coming out in another way later—a way that’s not healthy or conducive to the longevity and wellbeing of the marriage and family unit. So when Alexis asks me what I think, yes I tell her, and no, I don’t candy coat. Alexis is a big girl and she’s a smart woman. At the end of the day she’ll make the tough choices about her career herself, but while she’s in the process of deciding, I’ll be there with my honest opinion when it is asked of me.

People who read this blog by now have figured out I’m not the sugarcoating type. I don’t see that it gets anyone anywhere in life to try to make things seems prettier or easier than they are.

Mean, dark-hearted people and their sugarcoated lies are a waste of time.

Just keepin’ it real,

Jim

This week you’ll see me in a rare appearance having dinner with Alexis. I have to address the gaps in that dinner between Alexis and I so that the audience gets a fair shot at understanding the whole story. This dinner was more than two hours long, but what viewers will see is a two-minute segment put together for TV that doesn’t really show you the in-depth conversation and the detailed discourse that was had. There’s no way that an audience can be expected to take away as much from that dinner as was actually there due to the time constraints of the scene.

The Bible is very clear about becoming one flesh and if this offends anyone I don’t care, it’s the word of God. Genesis 2:24 “For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh.”

Although I have my degree in theology, I am no theologian. But what this scripture means to me is that a husband and wife shall be like-minded in life’s journey. There is another scripture that calls it being “equally yoked.”

The core of this whole conversation and this entire blog is balance. It’s all about balance. In life, a marriage, and in managing a family, balance is the foremost variable that must be keenly observed—once it’s off, it’s very hard to get back, and balance is integral to the proper function of everything from finance to health, wellbeing, and the very happiness of the entire family unit. As the head of the household, I know that ultimately it is my responsibility to ensure that balance is always a priority, and that’s exactly what I was thinking about during my dinner with Alexis.

Let me ask a question to the married guys out there. If you looked up one morning to find that your wife had three jobs and was running two companies, would you not want to address it with her, out of concern that she may become overwhelmed? Now it’s important to make a distinction here—Alexis is her own person, and I am not married to her to decide what challenges she takes up—I am here as her partner in marriage and in life to remind her of the big picture, just as she does for me. Marriage is a contract (we laughed about that immediately by the way, but you won’t see that) but more than a contract it’s a decision you make every day to continuously make a success of your partnership and your family.

Part of making my family the best family it can be is to challenge both Alexis and myself to always keep the balance. But because I need to fill the role of the chauvinist, bigoted, crazy Christian, the information is not delivered to you that way. Instead what you see are disjointed snippets of a long and very nuanced conversation that make it seem as though I am calling Alexis’ ability and judgment into question, which is not the case at all. When I said a woman’s place is in the home, I had been cracking very dry jokes throughout the conversation—anyone who knows me at all can tell you that’s how I joke, I’m very dry. (Does it make sense that a few sentences before that I am telling her how proud of her I am for her contribution to our family in this economy) But of course, you don’t hear any of that or any of the subsequent laughter that accompanies these jokes. It’s all about context, and in this case, the context has been jumbled significantly and purposefully. I’ll let you do the math.

I have seen what has happened to the vast majority of “Housewife Husbands” who step into the kind of role that I am in on TV. They lose focus and forget the role they play in their own lives. In essence, they each get distracted by their wife’s new career and begin to play a secondary role in their own story. This imbalance leads to the loss of career and ability to support the family, the marriage loses its precious balance, and the final step in this tragic chain of events is divorce. I simply will not allow that to happen to my marriage, and that’s something that both Alexis and I are very passionate about.

In my mind, when this show is over, I will still be the breadwinner for my family. What Alexis brings to the table with her various careers and businesses is exceptional, and I am very proud of her. But there has to be both a back-up plan and a long-term plan. In my family, I am both, as I should be, and of course am happy to be. Alexis and I understand that this time in our lives and the roles we currently play serve a greater purpose—to benefit our children and our family. If it did not do those things first and foremost, we would not be engaged in the roles we play. Period. But because we love and respect each other, and because we don’t agree that it’s okay for children to have a “missing parent,” we also agree to remind each other when it looks like the balance we need to maintain a healthy family life could be in danger.

It’s no small thing to keep a marriage together, and it takes work. At the end of the day, if part of that work means I have to look like the bad guy, then so be it, because I always have my eye on the prize: My God, my marriage, and my family unit. When it comes time for me to answer to God, he’s not going to be asking why a specific demographic didn’t like me or why I wasn’t more supportive as a “House Husband” on a reality show, he’s going to be asking if I took care of my family and financial obligations and whether I was a good provider, husband and father. He’s going to want to know what I did to manage my household and what I did to contribute to the balance there. I will be able to honestly say that I did all I could as a man, as a husband, and as a father to do what was best for my wife and family. And there is nothing more valuable than that. It doesn’t make me perfect OR POPULAR, but as you all have figured out I could care less about being popular. Bottom line: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!”

Just keepin’ it real,

-Jim