Your Source for Jim Bellino Information

As I watched this weeks show, I realized that all America sees is a particular scene—not the full evening or day of a particular event. The fact is that things are occurring before and after every scene that you never see that may change your opinion of a person.

An example of seeing a particular scene and NOT the full event is when you hear Alexis say, “No, I still do it all, I make the kids lunch, give them baths, pick them up from school,” and so on. THIS IS NOT THE WHOLE TRUTH. When Alexis works at Fox 5, she gets up at 5am to work. At that time I get the kids up, get them ready for school, feed them breakfast, and take them to school. During the other times I work two jobs, so sometimes I am not home to help. We’re both there to parent on the weekends, and Alexis will be the first to tell you I spend plenty of time with our children. Does this sound familiar to any of you and your schedule? Moms and dads pitch in however they can, when they can to make a household run. Bottom line: It’s called teamwork, and that’s what marriage and child rearing are all about.

I guess my point is, a simple scene can give viewers the impression that Alexis does everything with the kids and Jim does nothing. That’s simply not true. This week I am actually going to defend people on reality TV because many times I feel they are unfairly judged for a “BAD WEEK” and not on what the viewers’ opinion of their overall character is. If you have always seen and known someone to be fair and reasonable, decent, and usually a force for good, GO WITH YOUR GUT and decide what is still true about them based on what you know, not on what you see in simple scenes.

Shouldn’t we practice basic non-judgment like this in life ALL the time? Too many times we unfairly judge someone who has wronged us, or who we perceive as being in the wrong based on one piece of information we have, rather than trying to find out what else might be going on. To take it a step further, we could try and find out why they are hurting. Why? Because it is usually when someone is in a great deal of pain that they strike out the hardest and with the least amount of empathy for anyone else around them.

Believe me, I know a lot about hurting, and I have been very tempted to blast particular cast members. But I promise you, if you will just try to look at the underlying reason someone tries to hurt you instead of letting your natural defense mechanism go to work, you will find much more peace for yourself. Through understanding the BIG PICTURE instead of a small piece of the puzzle, the anger and frustration that comes along with living in half-truths simply goes away.

I challenge you to watch any of the episodes a second time and really look at the eyes of every cast member (be sure to have a pen and paper.) Focus on the eyes of each person and write down the emotion you sense that person is going through in their life—don’t judge based on what you know about the person, or what you think you know—just look at their expression and try to read the story being told by their eyes. When you are finished with this exercise, look at your paper and analyze what you have written. I guarantee you, the emotion you wrote down for each individual will be very different from what your perception of his or her overall week on the show was before.

In my opinion, it’s the people who talk about others the most who suffer the most—not those who are being are talked about. Do you really think that when a particular cast member is finished filming a scene where they have said something bad or negative about someone else they feel good? I can tell you first hand, no. I don’t claim to have never done this, I just try to be conscious of it, and make an effort not to. Although gossip is popular and good for TV, it is rather immature.

But aren’t we all guilty of negative speech? If you look at the BIG PICTURE again, I think you’ll see that when we gossip, we ultimately hurt ourselves, and we are the ones who look insecure, not those we gossip about.

I leave you with this: If someone in your life has a bad week and reacts harshly toward you, instead of judging them for what you think caused that kind of week for them, try to find out what is going on with them and be compassionate—it will be far more rewarding, and may even bring you closer.

Just trying to keep it real,

-Jim

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Comments on: "Go With Your Gut" (26)

  1. Stefanie Connell said:

    Hi Jim! I think you and Alexis set a great example for traditional marriage! My husband and I strive to be each others best friend and work together to raise our son. Thank you for not being afraid to show pride in your relationship!

  2. annette curry said:

    I agree with your blog. Reality TV is all a show anyway. Can’t wait to see it tonight though. ;-)

  3. kristenrory said:

    I think everyone has been there at some point…..where you feel like you “do it all” and your husband/wife does nothing. Usually being stressed, frazzled or simply a bad mood is to blame and it was obvious that Alexis was having one of those moments. No judgement here!

  4. Wendy Schultz said:

    Well said!

  5. Andrea said:

    Well written Jim! I wish we could watch tonights episode but we no longer get it in Canada!

  6. This blog keeps getting better and better Jim! I wish you and your wife all the success in the world. Keep shining and don’t let anyone drag you guys down!

  7. Couldn’t have said it better! I admire you and Alexis’ marriage. You two are the epitome of the perfectly balanced couple! I respect that you don’t lash back at the other cast members (Vicki, Tamra) for all the hurt they have caused you. AND you are SO right about feeling sorry for them. I truly do feel somewhat bad for them, because they are so miserable in their own lives that they have to say and do hurtful things to others around them. (Misery loves company.) What have you or Alexis ever done to them? Since Alexis joined the show Tamra and Vicki were jealous and made snyde comments about the way she looks, acts and even how devoted of a wife she is. I, as well as thousands of others around the world are HUGE fans of the Bellinos. Stay true to your faith and yourselves!!!

  8. every week when i watch.i stop and think i know i am right and alexis is such a sweet person.we as christians see things others may someday see.i do not like when they bring up her name on wwhl with neg. comments.i am out here and you guys live it.some times i say other housewives do much worse and are more excepted with valger words.but we both know it is bravo.i wish you guys had your own show.i wish lex would write a book.we think she is confident funny and beautiful.god sees and knows her heart.i only watch oc now because of her.when she ends that journey on the show so shall i.im proud of your fasting.luv the lord and your family.we know in the end that is all that matters.tell lex.her hair looked so cute pulled back on the show tonight.my husband and i have been married 30 years and we are 47 and 48 with 2 boys in there 20. we luv the lord. amen thanks bev

    • Jessica said:

      i agree i get so happy when i see alexis, id be angry if she wasnt on the show! i would like to see her have her own show too.

  9. Debbie said:

    Hello Jim (and Alexis)

    I am from UK, I have been following RHOC, we are behind in the series and so havent seen this current series.
    I have watched all of the series and I can honestly say that I was not a fan of yours at all when you were in it. My opinion is that you were portrayed in a very bad light, which then leads people to form opinions of the type of person which we are seeing. Yes, this is due to editing and as you say only showing a particular scene and not showing the whole picture.
    These type of shows pull in huge ratings (and we have similar type of shows here in UK) it seems to me that the tv station pick who they want to be their favourite and more popular characters in the show and who they want to show as being the ‘baddie’ its all manipulation on behalf of the show simply for ratings.
    Since I have been reading your blog, you have come across as a totally different person to how you were portrayed on the series.
    When there was a marriage break-up on the show, one of the housewives (who previously was one of the favourite characters) was suddenly thrown into the bear pit (that is how I perceived things to be) and I felt quite sorry for this person as I had always liked her but all of a sudden her character was brought into question and there was a turn-around with how we the viewing public saw her. Again this was pure manipulation I feel from the tv company. Something so awful as a marriage break-up is or should be a private affair between the couple involved and not for the whole world to watch unfold and tv ratings. I think sometimes the tv company’s take things a bit too far with what they show from the lives of the people on the show.
    Anyway, im waffling on now. I hope you have a good day.
    Best wishes
    Debbie (UK)

  10. Shannon said:

    I believe that we automatically fall into our roles at home in a good marriage and it just works, and sometimes that is doing what we have to to support our partner, it is obvious that this is the case in your marriage. I love your energy, I love your blogs.. and I look forward to reading them each week, I hope that you continue to write them.

  11. MaggieG said:

    You’re preaching to the choir when you write:
    “… things are occurring before and after every scene that you never see…”

    By now everyone with half a brain is onto Bravo’s infamous selective editing practice (in order to promote an agenda), but it doesn’t change the fact that you are going to be so disappointed if you expect the average viewer/blogger/commenter to consider your point:
    “Shouldn’t we practice basic non-judgment like this in life ALL the time?”
    To do so would be contrary to their agenda.

    I agree with you about people in pain wanting to inflict it on others & one sees deflection both in bloggers’ posts & their commenters’. The greater the emotional lash out the more convinced you can be that there’s a personal component at work.

    It’s good that you’ve given yourself a forum & as a proponent of rational thought I hope it will encourage more people to view all intense feelings with caution.

  12. Katie said:

    Jim, I get what you’re saying. I’ve always been a big fan of Alexis; she has never spoken Ill of any other cast member. The same is true for you. You have both been very respectful of everyone on the show and I cannot remember one instance where either of you have slammed anyone. People may not understand your marriage, but that is your business. You both seem happy and it works for you. HOWEVER, I draw the line at you asking us to whip out a pen and paper to take notes and drawings on our emotions and thoughts to facial expressions during a reality show!!! I understand it is very personal for you, but keep playing it cool. It’s worked so far.

  13. walter said:

    your writing is very good Jim and makes a lot of points we all already knew but they are nice to hear from a actual source. as a christian man myself in an area where status means more than it should I think you are doing better than maost would. keep writing because i think its as good for you as it is for us to hear. God bless brother.

  14. jason still said:

    After seeing you and Alexis on the show, and reading your blog, it occurred tp me that a lot of people dont understand your relationship. You have a faith based, traditional relationship. My grandparents did everything together, everyday for fifty years. I think some people could learn from this. In closing, you have a beautiful family and seem so blessed. Hit me up on facebook sometime.

  15. Suzanne said:

    Glad you are writing this blog. It is good to get another perspective.

  16. jeanneen said:

    Anyone with any sort of intelligence knows it’s all edited..

  17. kathi said:

    Jim,
    When Alexis said “I DO IT ALL” I don’t think she meant “My Husband doesn’t help me”….
    I Totally Knew she meant “I don’t use HIRED HELP like NANNYS,Etc”

    No need to defend yourself there Buddy..I think it not only obvious that
    A) Your Wife is Super Mom & Super Wife, but also that B) You two work well together as team! ;)

  18. I love you guys !! Y’all are awesome. I love how you all don’t care what anyone thinks of y’all <3

  19. Pamela said:

    Why do you feel a need you defend yourself? The fact that every comment seen here are all “pro” Jim shows you are hiding something. Why do you not allow freedom of speech?

    • That’s simply not true. Take a look around across all of the posts and you’ll see plenty of less than favorable commentary. It is true I will not publish remarks that are defamatory, use profane language, or that alienate others commenting here, or that are clearly written to upset and jar people. Freedom of speech is our first amendment right. You can exercise yours by starting a blog and approving comments based on your own personal criteria. This is my blog. That’s why it’s called jimbellino.com.

  20. Hannah said:

    So great that you’re doing this, keep it up!

  21. Katia77 said:

    Love your blog Jim!

  22. Michelle Hall said:

    SERIOUSLY!!!!!!

  23. Michelle Hall said:

    I believe very possibly they DO portray YOU in a negative light unfairly at times, but I don’t believe that Alexis ACTS like a Christian,,,,in my book!

  24. mandee elle said:

    LOVE it! & you & Alexis…you guys are my favorite “chraracters” on OC, I look forward to scenes with you two and typically fast forward (I DVR the episodes) the scenes of Tamra & Eddie-that seem so fake and like bad acting, and Vicki’s scenes a lot as well. I actually feel bad that you arent able to defend yourself against the nonsense that Peggy said in that first episode. I think the people watching with just a little common sense woulod see she was like bi-polar or something…one minute she loves Alexis, the next Alexis better watch her “A”, then she’s chasing her down and coming up with awesome comebacks like “well you had 5 mos to come talk to ME”! Alexis cant formulate a sentence, but somehow she was able to make you look like a fool without a moments hesitation or being rude…I call that articulate. I call Peggy, an alcholic nut. Sorry…I just did exactly what your blog suggested we not do…point is..you guys rock..its obvious that the old ladies on the show are jealous of her-BIG TIME, and they dont like you b/c you dont give them attention. Just my thoughts!!!! Oh-and the moments we see of you & the kids show what an awesome dad you are, so dont think you have to explain. You provide for your family and are excellent role models. You see Alexis repeatedly saying positive things and then the scene switches to someone talkin smack about her, and then they go back to Alexis being positive some more. All the crap people are saying about how you guys arent good Christians is nonsense. Only Jesus was perfect. Best wishes for you guys & know you have hardcore fans out there!!!!

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