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All We Have Left Is What We Gave

Before I get into this week’s blog, I want to address something so many of you have been talking about online. It’s one of those details that you forget about when you can’t see the forest for the trees. After this, I will lay this subject to rest permanently, but this has to be brought up as it was addressed by so many of you and brought up on the show (hopefully for the final time.)

I didn’t realize how many people were under the impression that Alexis did not know I had dated Peggy until she said something on the show. This is woefully inaccurate. What REALLY happened was that Alexis and I had our agreement (as I stated in my last blog) but as SOON as we found out Peggy had been chosen for the show, I told Alexis that she and I had dated (15 years ago.) So for anyone still laboring under the misconception that Peggy was the one to break the news to Alexis, this is simply not true. And that’s a wrap!

Now onto this week. I want to thank the tens of thousands of people who have visited this blog and those who have reached out and confirmed my feeling that breaking my silence was the right thing to do. Although I am not sure how long I will continue to blog, I’m going to keep it up for now. Frankly, it feels good, and I find it to be a relief to be able to tell you the truth the way I see it.

This week, I’m stepping into the lion’s den for my wife. Alexis is one of the kindest, most loving, and authentic friends one could ever have. To see people take her friendship for granted and walk away from it blows my mind. That might sound very biased, but she is my wife after all, and I know what a pure heart she has, and how much emotion and effort she puts into those people she calls her true friends.

It SEEMS this week that Alexis can say nothing right. It made me realize something: Alexis and I don’t deny Christ at all, but some have labeled us as self-righteous, or judge us in a way that is different from everyone else on the show. We never claimed to be better or wiser than anyone else, and we don’t place judgment on others based on their faith. Has anyone else noticed that Alexis has been placed in the “religious” category where she is scrutinized more closely than anyone else on the show?

The way Alexis comes off this week is unfortunate, but it’s also not very fair. Because Alexis is not a fake, she says what’s on her heart and mind—not what she thinks someone wants her to say. Others will say and do a lot to get what they want or to seem “edgy” in the moment. Some are out for money, others for fame, and others just want to be told they are right. None of it is really about fame and fortune, it’s about acceptance at the most basic level.

Having stepped away 18 months ago, it all seems very clear from my point of view. I really wasn’t sure if doing a blog about my thoughts was a good idea, but I also wasn’t sure if disappearing without some explanation was a good idea either. But now I see that giving myself the space to speak freely, I’ve actually truly allowed myself to see there’s a lot going on for the love of money. Don’t get me wrong, we enjoy nice things like everyone else, but they don’t define us and they are certainly not our driving force. What drives us is God, family, and friends.

You hear people say all the time that money is the root of all evil. Not so. It is the LOVE of money that is the root of all kinds of evil. Everyday we see someone say or do something to have the competitive edge over someone else. I too have been guilty of this. For what? To stay relevant, to continue making money, or in the case of some, to gain a higher sense of self when the best part of themselves—their true inner self with all its potential—was sitting right there all along!

Whether it’s money or glory you’re after, both are expendable, and both have an exchange rate. HAS ANYONE ELSE NOTICED THAT AS OUR ECONOMY HAS WORSENED THAT THE EXCHANGE RATE ON OUR INTEGRITY HAS GOTTEN LOWER? We have to ask ourselves, what is the exchange rate on our integrity? On our humility? On our humanity? On our morality? We should all ask ourselves these questions and answer honestly.

Whether it’s cash or another kind of currency is irrelevant. Once you are so consumed by the desire for things and status, the meaning of life washes away like watercolor. Life is meant to be big and vibrant—not always perfect, and not always pure, but bright, full, and meaningful because of what you do for others, how you conduct yourself in both good and bad times, and how you behave in both good company and bad. It’s not up to us to judge, it’s up to us to live as best we can based on what we know—NOT what we have.

In the end when we die, what we saved we had, what we spent we lost, and what we gave we have. All we have left is what we gave.

-Jim

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The Attempted Assassination of My Character

The title says it all. This is going to be a pretty raw entry.

I thought when I decided to step back from the show and let Alexis do her thing, I would be allowing the best things for her life while I went back to what I do best: business. Instead, I am more the topic of discussion now than when I was part of the show.

Without provocation, I have become the whipping boy of Orange County. Could it be because I chose to leave the show? What do you think? I can understand now how a man could do harm to himself in these shoes. It’s not an easy thing to be on TV in the first place, but like I said in my last blog, it was a decision we made with our eyes open. SO I THOUGHT.

But now I can’t believe the reality of reality TV. Imagine what it would be like to be watching a show you knew millions of people were watching at the same time while people who you’ve not uttered one word about drag your name through the mud with pure enjoyment.

Coming from the place of hurt that I am in, and knowing the things I know from living here and being on the show, it would be so easy for me to blast those who have INTENTIONALLY tried to assassinate my name and character. It would be so easy but it’s not worth it. If I do, I become just like them, and that is the very reason I stepped back from the show. At the end of the day, I have to answer to God, and I know it wouldn’t sit right with me to try to tarnish the names of these women as they have done to me.

In one tiny segment of a TV show, my entire self worth and good name were put on trial for no reason and in a completely unwarranted fashion—and in a setting where there was no way for me to stand up for myself. What would you do? Would you fire back? Would you try to devastate another person? What makes someone your opponent is your decision to lend credence to their thoughts and actions. You have to engage someone for them to officially be your opponent. You couldn’t play a game if there was no one there to play against, and that’s who I had thought I had made myself by leaving the show, but once again, I thought wrong.

But that’s the point, isn’t it? This is a game. Instead of basing things on facts or dealing with reality, TV caters to the need for a storyline, a catch, a hiccup, that moment that everyone watching in the room gasps simultaneously. I have become the reason for that gasp. In fact, for a few days after watching this episode, I was devastated. But I am a big boy and its time to pull up my bootstraps and move on.

There is a nationwide dependence on drama, and an epidemic need to destroy real human beings. Many of you have been commenting about the fact that I should have told Alexis about prior relationships, so I would like to respond and give you the FACTS…

WHEN ALEXIS AND I BECAME SERIOUS, WE HAD A VERBAL CONTRACT THAT NEITHER OF US WOULD EVER BRING UP OR DISCUSS OUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS. I WAS VERY HONEST AND UPFRONT THAT I HAD DATED A LOT ALL IN SEARCH OF THE WOMAN THAT I WANTED TO CALL MY WIFE, AND SINCE WE CHOSE TO LIVE IN THE TOWN THAT I GREW UP IN, WE AGREED THAT THERE WAS NOTHING POSITIVE TO BE GAINED FROM BRINGING UP OLD FLAMES, OR HAVING DISCUSSIONS ABOUT WHO HAD DATED WHO, AND ALL THE STRINGS THAT COME ATTACHED TO OPENING THAT CAN OF WORMS. WE MADE THIS AGREEMENT OUT OF RESPECT FOR ONE ANOTHER, NOT AS A WAY TO HIDE OUR PASTS. WE TOOK EACH OTHER AS WE WERE, AND THAT WAS THAT.

I am a real human being. The accusations tossed around so cavalierly about me tonight made me shudder—not just for myself and my wife, but because of the basic premise: Anyone can be made to seem like a kind of monster if he or she has enough enemies on reality TV. Whether you’ve earned those enemies or not means nothing—because in the end, decisions about your imagined (not real) character will be decided based upon any information given on air—no matter how inaccurate, false, or outrageous the claims may be. In an effort to explain to everyone the facts I have created a facts page to let you decide what the truth is. PLEASE CLICK HERE to read the Jim Bellino Bio.

What’s funny is that I could easily sit here and do the same thing—I could very easily tell you stories about these women that would change how you perceive them, just as they have changed how I am perceived. But after reading this I hope you will realize why I have chosen not to play the game. It’s beneath me. And no matter how far escalated the accusations get, I will not stoop to their level—not for reality TV, not for fame, not for fortune, and not for anything else.

As humans, we are driven to react initially without thinking—in an animalistic fashion we very frequently attack viciously—AND BELIEVE ME, AT THIS POINT, I WANT TO ATTACK VICIOUSLY. But this is not what God wants. God wants us to WAIT, and have a spiritual reaction, and by choosing this more mature way of dealing with things are born opportunities to heal and move on.

Calling someone disgusting because you don’t like how a TV show is working out for you is that animalistic response. Addressing real grievances appropriately after thoughtful consideration is the type of spiritual reaction I am trying to have now. Please don’t misunderstand me—I am not insinuating that I am spiritual, I am simply saying it’s the reaction I am trying to have. I have rewritten this blog 10 times so far and believe me, it started out “blasting,” but ultimately I just couldn’t let myself sink to their level.

When there is no story to tell, people invent one using what few splinters of a crafted reality they can to make it stick. But the only thing still standing when the smoke clears is the truth, no matter how long it may take that smoke to clear.

When you bless those who curse you, God shines his favor on you. It’s not always easy, but it is very rewarding. I hope God shines his favor on all the castmates, but I also hope the time for dragging my name through the mud is now over. All TV drama has an expiration date, and the one that makes me the scapegoat went bad a long time ago. Time to move on—even the fans are totally over it.

-Jim

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RHOC Season 7 Begins: I’m Out of Cheeks to Turn

Welcome everyone. I wanted to get my blog going again to let you know I’ll be here every week with my impressions of what’s going on in each episode and with the “off air” drama that surrounds the show. I want you all to know you have an alternative place to turn to for the real inside scoop because frankly, a husband’s perspective that has been associated with the show for three years will be unique. So you can expect my thoughts every week.

Some people say that when you decide to go on television you can’t hide what’s true about you anymore. They call it “dirty laundry.” In the early days, I would have thought this was true, and it was fine with me because I had nothing to hide. There was nothing in my past to conceal, and all my dealings both personal and business have always been aboveboard. So I thought, what do we have to lose? What will they find, that I pay my taxes, raise my children, went to Bible school, have my degree in theology, have successful business ventures, and that I’m married to Alexis? So I took no issue with putting myself in a potentially vulnerable position.

Then people started to have opinions about me—how I look, how I dress, about my relationship, my faith, and so on. None of these bothered me because I knew “fans” would take sides and like who they identified with. If they identified with someone who is the antithesis of me, I thought, then their opinion of me may not be good, but who cares? It’s an opinion based on surface-level things like looks, money, where I live, and other superficial things.

But then things took a turn for the grotesque. I consider myself to be a sharp mind in most cases, but I now feel naive when looking back, only to realize I never considered that someone could or would fabricate things about me that are not about my looks or my faith, but about far more serious aspects of me as a person, as a business man, as a US citizen, as a MAN. In going through recent Internet searches for my name, I have found stories that have shocked and awed me—I have unveiled preposterous claims. But what’s worse is that these aren’t mere claims or things a person is writing saying they “think” I did. Someone has been bold enough to suggest in a factual manner that I have done things I never did and never would do. Imagine this being you and trying to live your life day to day and every time you say your last name or hand out a business card you worry that the few people who are slandering you are the ones given credibility.

For example, there are accusations I changed my last name to conceal my past. Nothing could be further from the truth. My birth name is James Carlos Bellino. My last name is now, and has always been Bellino. And for the record, those who claim I changed it to sound “Italian,” I have never hidden my heritage, but by proclaiming that truth I find myself feeling like President Obama arguing the “birthers”—the more evidence he shows that he IS American, the more people try to dig to find he is not.

Other outrageous accusations are so foul that if the persons who were putting them online were exposed the way a reporter would be, they would be charged with defamation of character, libel, and slander. But these persons choose to conceal themselves under the guise of fake blog names and cheaply thrown together websites that only rank well because they’re using my name as a keyword searchable in Google. You can attach anything to a popular name in Google, and it will begin to rank. Just pick any famous person’s name and add “drugs” or “pregnant” or “divorce”—you’ll find it whether it’s true, real, accurate, or a total lie made up just to get you to a website. Why do people make such false statements and then hide????

Tonight, my wife will be on the air in the premiere episode of Real Housewives of Orange County, season 7. I know that even though I have chosen not to be a part of filming most of the season, the onslaught is on its way. Why? Because the more Alexis forges a space for herself and an identity for herself, the more we both go under the microscope. At one time, as I stated before, I would not have been bothered by anything that “came out” because we didn’t sign on to do reality TV with our eyes shut—we knew we would be liked by some, and not by others. And that’s okay. What’s not okay is for someone to literally invent false information out of nowhere and throw it on the web with the clear intention of destroying my reputation.

You can call me fat, old, weird, a Jesus freak, whatever. Those things are subjective and I never intended to be loved by the entire world. But as we delve further into season 7, I would urge you to consider the source when reading information about me or anyone else for that matter. The backlash we have experienced because of our success was partly due to putting ourselves out there, but it is also largely due to total lies published by those who, if they knew they had a leg to stand on, wouldn’t be hiding behind anonymous blogs and websites.

This season is a wild one, but both Alexis and I have taken off our rose colored glasses. We’re not going to be blindsided by any of the nuttiness that reality TV brings because now I think we can safely say we’re veterans. Most of the time you won’t see me mixing it up at any parties or gatherings on the show, but if you don’t know why by now, you haven’t been paying attention to the treatment my name has gotten, nevermind me as a human being.

I leave you with this question: Why would women who disapprove of me so strongly continue to talk about me on camera at every possible chance? I left this show a year and a half ago, and some people (those who “hate” me and “can’t stand” me) talk about me more now than when I was physically there—all of this has been unprovoked and without my saying anything in return. The days of me laying down and taking it to save face are over. Yes, I chose to be on a reality show, but I did not choose to be crucified, and I’ll be damned if anyone is going to drive me to my grave.

In the end, one might say, “Why did you choose to speak now?” To be honest, as a Christian we are taught to turn the other cheek—but I’m out of cheeks to turn.

-Jim

 

 

**Disclaimer about comments: I will gladly post any comments from any point of view as long as they are not profane or abusive**

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